This is the fourth time I’ll be participating in the Weekend Writing Warriors meme. This time I’m hosting an excerpt from Andante (Allegro Academy #2), a YA Paranormal Mystery novel. Enjoy!
I open up the cover, and at the same time the candle blows out. The darkness around me is thick and the hairs on the back of my neck stand up straight. Footsteps resonate through the darkness, approaching me.
Blind panic takes hold of me. Clutching the book to my chest, I move backward, pinching my eyes to see anything – anything. A loud sound from behind me startles me. The door has slummed shut, blocking out the last rays of light, locking me inside the attic.
I hope you enjoyed the excerpt! Feel free to link to your excerpt in the comments below – I’d love to read them!
Teresa Cypher
Yeeeow! Scary. You really set the mood well. 🙂 Good post 🙂
Majanka
Thanks, Teresa. Scary is what I was going for. 🙂
Oto
Love this part, “…blocking out the last rays of light, locking me inside the attic.” It makes me curious to find out whats happening next.
“The darkness around me is thick and the hairs on the back of my neck stand up straight.” Feels a bit generic. I think you can do better. Not sure if you’re meaning to be generic, but I think you can definitely reword it to your benefit. 😉
Majanka
Hey Oto,
Thanks so much for the suggestion. This is a first draft, which means I just spur out words (generic or not) to get the whole story down before I go back and try to bring the writing up to the next level. However it’s always difficult to point out what’s generic and what isn’t, so thank you for the great feedback. =)
Debbie
Fraught with suspense. Wonder what happens next? I would change “A loud sound from behind ME startles me” to “A loud sound from behind startles me.” Reads smoother. Looking forward to the next instalment. Scary!
Majanka
Thanks, Debbie! This is a first draft, so it’s probably not that smooth to read yet. Your suggestion is spot on though, so thanks!
charmaine gordon
I agree with Oto yet this is a good eight. To be locked in an attic is terrifying.
Majanka
Hey Charmaine,
Yes, it is terrifying. I hate attics, and I wonder why I let my MC’s go through all this. 🙂
Daniel Berenson
You quickly create a mood here and it’s palpable. Good job.
Sarah Ballance
This is fabulous. You draw me right into the story so I experience it with your character. Awesome job!
Veronica Scott
Uh oh, the ending really gave me goosebumps, at the idea of being locked in the attic! Excellent excerpt!
Kayci Morgan
Oh wow, this was intense. Good job!
Cara Bristol
I like the way you set the mood.